| Just another Entry! |
[May. 13th, 2006|08:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My room, where else? | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | NickleBack "Photograph" | ] |
SO here I am again, talking into this thing... just thinking and thinking and re-thinking things... lol man sometimes I think I'm lame. This might be a long one, or it might be short.
Well I've been thinking about a few things, one my relationship status, and I think I've gotten to a place where I'm ready to look for new poissblities.
And as it goes for my ex, I don't think I will get back together with her.... I know right now, I'm not the right one for her, and I reliezed that now... so yeah, it's over, and I don't know if I'll be able to be her friend, but only time will tell me that.
So far, I've found out, that my girlfriend, or ex for this matter, can't be the most important thing in my life, she can be there to make the things that are important to me just better... so that's all I'm looking for, someone that wants to be apart of my life, not a focal point, cause though she'll be important, she's there to make life better, and cheer me up when I think life isn't all that good...
And for me, I feel like I want to be apart of their life, not the most important thing, just important, and makes things better... ^_^
But I just don't know when and if I'll find that girl... heh... I'm still shy about talking to girls... but yeah...
Anyway... that's it for me for now... Later Days
Oh... and My birthday was Last monday... so now I'm 20 LOL
Woot for me
Later Days-
Jesse "Hero" |
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| Life is just a Big Joke sometimes, Here's a day in the Life of Me. |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|10:38 pm] |
Well, it's been a very long time since I've been here again... so I might as well let you all know what's going on with my life...
As most people know by now.... Robyn, my girlfriend of a year and two months broke up with me, after cheating on me with a guy who lives in Virgina on the East Coast.... The worst part.... if that wasn't enough, she broke up with me the day before I was supposta see her for our 4th trip.... one I had made many plans to try and fix the problems I thought we might have.... I tried to get a lot of time for her and I to spend alone time for... but that didn't happen...
So I'm single again... and it sucks.... because I love Robyn, I mean told her that in Jan. on our first year anniversary, that I loved her more then any girl alive and I wanted to be with her forever.... and I thought she loved me.... but one guy comes along to show interest in her, and she is just gone... That hurts guys.... and I know everyone feels for me, and wants me to get over her and move on... but I'm afraid now... I'm afraid to go 100% with the next person I find... if I do... and I'm afraid that if and when I get with this next person.... Robyn might come back... wanting to try over again... It just so happens in my life, when I think things are going good... something is throw into my path I walk and I end up tripping over it...
Anyway... I am working for RadioShack again.. and going to school almost full time.... 10 credits this term... tough classes and I hope am able to pull them all off, then it will be summer time... a time to relax... work a job, and get some money to hopefully take a trip to visit someone.... or someones cool.... hopefully...
Other than that... I'm single again... it sucks and doesn't suck at the same time... But yeah... for anyone that has been broken up with... and stuff like I've had to go through... let me know what helped you get through it... I kinda need the advice.. and for those that read this and think I haven't even considered their advice... I have... but yeah... for a head as hard as mine... you need to keep pounding on me.... and please.... don't give up on me.... u.u someone already did that... and she isn't my girlfriend anymore...
Well... that's a day in my life... it feels good to let it out here... and lets see how many of you comment <3 I love all of you that do and don't comment.... see you all later... hopefully ^_^ |
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| Quiz! |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|12:20 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Trapt-Hallowman | ] |
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
I made a friends quiz, to see how well you all know me... >.>;; *waits to see who takes it, and gets the best score* >.>;; |
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| Why I try to do things... |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|03:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  really lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Trapt - Holowman | ] |
I don't know why.... but people keep blowing me off, and never talking to me unless they want something... I've gotten so tired of it, no one ever comes to me, and says "Jesse, I really need someone to talk to".... *sighs* I get so tired, like I am now, and think no one in the world likes me, and no one wants to be my friend, they just want me to be there like some dog, that will always come when called, do a trick or two, and then be sent out to the dog house again, after my presents doesn't entertain them anymore... but you know... I guess I deserve it, for letting them have the idea that I'm some kind of dog, that can be made to do what is told....
For those of you who don't know or havn't figured it out that I'm talking to you, it would be those of you who said they'd do stuff with me then backed out at the last minute, not to mention those that said that they would pay me back a lil for everything I've done for them.... but that probably won't ever happen.... so why did I get my hopes up....
No one seems to want to talk to me anymore, no one comes to me for advice, or to even ask my opinion of something... *sighs* I'm that pathetic for sitting here thinking that some one would actually come to talk to me, I guess I need to stop being me and be some kind of asshole... cause when I ignore people, or treat people the way I fill like I'm treated, that's when I get attention.... oh well... I was never really good and being a true asshole anyway....
goodnight.... and good rid-dens to those of you who really must not give a fuck about me.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|01:28 am] |
You Have A Type A- Personality |
A-
You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.
When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds |
Well I never thought I'd get that kind of a personality score....
Too bad probably no one will see this and comment...
A better update at a later date |
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| Wow, an update |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|03:48 am] |
1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One non-compliment, criticism, or insult.
4. One love note, but it does not have to be for me.
5. Lyrics to your favorite song.
6. How old you are.
7. How long we've been friends.
8. And a hint to who you are.
9. After you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.
So anyone out there that notices me to do... |
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| WooHoo? |
[May. 8th, 2005|03:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bowling for Soup "Girl all the Bad Guy"s Want | ] |
Wow..... 19.... I made it to being 19 years old.... boy.... you know what... I don't feel any different what so ever....
T__T and I only got 2 presents so far.... T__T well so much for being loved by the general populace....
>.> if any of my friends on here wish to send me a late present
PO box 2618 Klamath Falls OR 97601
put your name I know you by best on the package.... or I'll be like WHO THE FU**!?!?! XD;; but I'll still open it.... *cough* it's just the way I am....
thanks to thoser that have gotten me presents... <33 I heart you all presents or not.... ^__^:;;
Later Days boys and girls
Jesse AKA "HeroOnatomay" |
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| Another day.... |
[May. 5th, 2005|06:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
dun dun dun....
3 days.... till my 19th birthday.... and so far.... not alot of people are even going to remember it....
Not to mention lets see.... yup.... a drop in the number of friends I have... *Sighs* everyone just passes over me...
I mean I try to make myself seen, I try to be nice, I try to be the person I want to be.... but people just keep walking over and, turning their noses up at me... and leaving me for dead....
Not to mention my relationship with my girlfriend isn't going to hot... don't get me wrong I love her to death.... but with each day that goes by, it doesn't look as though she'll be able to visit... which I could really care less about... but I mean we fight alot, and we make up alot too... and they arn't big fights.... but she's so afraid of me... and I don't know why.... if she's afraid of me... who else might be... or who might hate me because she is afraid of me....
anyway... my life just sucks.... and there isn't anyone willing to help me... and if you are your not being blunt in saying so.... remember I so much want to be the hero that I forget that there are people wanting to be there for me as well...
so make yourself known for gods sake please.... cause I have nothing I can do.... T__T it's just so sad |
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| Hmm.... another day, another shit load of worries |
[May. 3rd, 2005|07:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | and unforgiving | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Daft Punk "Discovery" Album Track 1-4 | ] |
Like the title suggests....
another day of days.... without anyone bothering to visit.... or talk... or say hello, do any of you truely know how it feels to be lonely? really.... that true feeling as if no one you know or knew cares wheather you live or die?
I do.... I feel it atleast twice I week.... I've wanted to be the hero, to be there for everyone... never being given the chance... and watching other people over me being given the chance
that just hurts, I don't know if any of you can really feel what I've felt for the last 10 almost 11 years now....
Yeah... that's right... count do to my 19th birthday.... 5 days and going down... not to mention I get to share my birthday with my fathers 6th anniveracy... and Mothers day....
I won't be suprised if anyone remembers my birthday.... u.u
anyway I'm going to go hide now....
Later Days
Jesse AKA Jess AKA "HeroOnatomay" |
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| Wow, an Update |
[Apr. 16th, 2005|05:12 pm] |
Well I'm here.... I havn't been around in like forever, I'm sure people forgot I even exsisted, I mean I don't have many people to talk to me...
Very few of my friends talk to me... I feel so alone sometimes.... so bored with my life
I'm mean what Am I supposta work towards... I just wish I was back in highschool....
Back were life was easy and I had almost no cares in my life...
"In the End"
Everything dies
Everything lays
lifeless of the floor of forever
In the End
No one know when we go
but people still weep
for things they knew were there
In the End
... The End ... |
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| I Hate Everybody |
[Jun. 20th, 2004|10:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Cowboy Mouth | ] |
"I once had a friend who,
Met an early end to,
A kind of modern way of thinkin'...
He wasn't taken from us
Yet he is still amoung us
But he lived for drugs and drinking...
He liked to point the finger
His accusations lingered
A deep apart of every action...
He loved to play the game where
He'd dispurse the blame for
Every deep disatisfacrion....
Easy to bitch..
Easy to waine...
Easy to moan....
Easy to cry.....
Easy to feel like there is nothing in your life..
Harder to work...
Harder to strive....
Hard to be glad to be alive.....
But it's really worth it..
If you give it a try..
(come on give it a try)
He once told me how he
couldn't wait to beat me
so he could take what I was telling
He Said
"They don't give a damn
It's all a master plan for
Us to buy what they are Selling"
Easy to bitch..
Easy to waine...
Easy to moan....
Easy to cry.....
Easy to feel like there is nothing in your life..
Harder to work...
Harder to strive....
Hard to be glad to be alive.....
But it's really worth it..
If you give it a try..
(come on give it a try)
[band solo]
If I sound above it
I can't sit in judgement
I ain't sure where I'd be sitting
These are all my problems
Lord I've tried to drop them
Cause this is not how I should be living
Easy to bitch..
Easy to waine...
Easy to moan....
Easy to cry.....
Easy to feel like there is nothing in your life..
Harder to work...
Harder to strive....
Hard to be glad to be alive.....
But it's really worth it..
If you give it a try..
(come on give it a try)
Easy to bitch..
Easy to waine...
Easy to moan....
Easy to cry.....
Harder to work...
Harder to strive....
Hard to be glad to be alive.....
Easy to bitch..
Easy to waine...
Easy to moan....
Easy to cry.....
Harder to work...
Harder to strive....
Hard to be glad to be alive.....
(Easy to bitch)
(Easy to waine)
(Easy to moan)
(Easy to cry)
(Harder to work)
(Harder to strive)
(Hard to be glad to be alive)..... "
Well I hope all you know like this.... all of you, online, offline... I've had the worst past few days from Mike telling people that I just do what I've been doing for YEARS for the girls I care for just to get into their pants... well believe what you will and I'm done with it... oh and for the rest of you... if you want to talk, talk... don't know if I'll listen though... might try to get into your pants... so anyway
I'm outy... |
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| Other languages |
[May. 30th, 2004|03:13 am] |
... ^_^ hehe... anyway... my life sucks right now, cause I want my snuggle buddy Katty here... *sighs* yeah I really would like her to come live in Eugene... because I'd get to snuggle wif her in my free time... >>
<<
Which would be like always... lol anyway, I miss all my online friends and family, like A LOT, I don't know why... maybe cause they are better then the reality ones... *sighs* oh well
... ^_^ Woot heh... anyway, I love everyone,
-Katty(lots of hugs and kisses to you babe... one of the best I know),
-Trish(I love you too... even though you don't want me getting to attacted to you, it's too late for that... "I'm a dict... addicted to you" :heart: ^_^),
-Kate(I love you and I wish the very best to the third sweet angel I know, Katty and Trish being first and second),
-Hilary(My LOVE for you is 110% lil sister... *snuggles* I wish you lived here with me... maybe sometime in the future we'll get the chance((This goes for all the girls I like and love... )) so I just love you... my wonderful lil sister),
-Alex (Hun you need alot of love, and I do love ya don't get me wrong, but Glenn ain't the guy to love you the way you need to....*sighs* but that's not my call),
hmm... who else is there? Caroline(My other lil sister.. I love you too ^^ *huggles* lots and lots), and any girls I left out... *snuggle, huggle, kiss* I love you all too
if any of you remember my songs in the last one, I have more of them that are better, and those listen really well too.. so if you want them... talk to me... ^^;; *is sometimes an attention whore* u-u;; yeah.. *sighs*
Laters,
Jesse
AKA "HeroO" |
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| More crap from a crapy life |
[May. 20th, 2004|04:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bryan White | ] |
Again, the Drama has started, and again I feel helpless... Alex is falling away from me again... and I'm getting to the point that in order to get to her I need to press boundires and make her mad at me to even see her. Don't get me wrong, she is the Wonderfull most stunning beautiful person in the world to me, in line with my lil sisters(Caroline, Katie, Hilary). I love them ementsely too much for words really... I wish I had money, lots of it, so I could take all four of them away... away from drama away from hate... protect them, shield them, so they could live life to it's fullest.
But then... reality sets in, and it hits me... I'm useless.... physically, mentally, emotionally, everything I do, say, or even try to say blows up in my face. distroying the very fabric that I hold dear in my life, everything just goes down the drain.
It tends to happen in a heros life that he must endure the hardships of himself and others to triuph in this messed up place we call earth as home, but why must I be the one Hero to try to do everything, protect the ones I hold dearest and do everything for the greater good, and yet still fail miserably.... *sighs* is that just my fate to be played by god, thinking I have some propose of a hero and never get to the top where I so wish to be?
I guess that's just the way the "shit rolling down hill."
Well while I think of more to say I'll type some of my favorite love songs in here... (maybe you all will get there point)
This first song, I sing it from my point of veiw everyday I feel down... and if any of you can relate... then I welcome you to comment on this post, and even ask me for any of these songs I'll try to send them via MSN or AIM.
Bryan White "You know how I feel"
(piano starts)
Have you ever had one of those days
When you really need a friend
The day drags on and on
And you think there's no end
Then you know how I feel
Have you ever had one of those nights
When you just lie awake
Starin at the ceiling
Until the dawn breaks
Then you know how I feel
If you've heard goodbye
And something inside just won't heal
If a memory won't set you free
And you know that it never will
Then you know how I feel
(guitar solo)
If you've heard goodbye
And something inside just won't heal
If a memory won't set you free
And you know that it never will
Then you know how I feel
Then you know how I feel
Ever have that feeling like the this one in my next song... cause I feel this way all the time... with no one to call my own... all the girls I like... loving another... not looking at me as a "relationship" guy... even though I'm more honest and truthfull with them than their boyfriends are....
Bryan White "Someone Else's Star"
Alone again tonight
Without someone to love
The stars are shining bright
So one more wish goes up
Oh I wish I may
And i wish with all my might
For the love I'm dreaming of
And missing in my life
You'd think that I could find
A true love of my own
It happens all the time
To people that I know
Their wishes all come true
So I've got to believe
There's still someone out there who
It meant for only me
I guess I must be wishin
On someone else's star
It seems like someone else
Keeps gettin' what I'm wishin for
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are
I guess I must be wishin
On someone else's star
I sit here in the dark
And stare up at the sky
But I can't give my heart
One good reason why
Everywhere I look
It's lovers that I see
Seems like everyone's in love
With everyone but me
I guess I must be wishin
On someone else's star
It seems like someone else
Keeps gettin' what I'm wishin for
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are
I guess I must be wishin
On someone else's star
Why can't i be as lucky
As those other people are
Oh i guess i must be wishin
On someone else's star
This next one is just refrence to me... it shows my feelings about the girl I wish I had... and maybe... I'll never have... *sighs*
Bryan White "Me and The Moon"
There's not a star left in the sky tonight
That hasn't been wished on
And I've been wishin I could find me a wishin' well
I'd throw in every penny I own
I've got moonlight and a warm june night
All that' s missing here is you
Me and the moon have never been so blue
If I may I wish I might find you lying beside me
In a way
I can see your eyes in the stars
But it's not the same
I wanna see the stars in your eyes tonight
To be the stars in your eyes tonight
Just me and the stars in your eyes tonight
But it's me and the moon
It seems if you believe in a dream enough
It has to come true
And mine would turn back time till the world unwinds
If I could only be holding you
So if a star falls from the sky tonight
You'll know what I tried to do
Me and the moon have never been so blue
If I may I wish I might find you lying beside me
In a way
I can see your eyes in the stars
But it's not the same
I wanna see the stars in your eyes tonight
To be the stars in your eyes tonight
Just me and the stars in your eyes tonight
But it's me and the moon
If I may I wish I might find you lying beside me
In a way
I can see your eyes in the stars
But it's not the same
I wanna see the stars in your eyes tonight
To be the stars in your eyes tonight
Just me and the stars in your eyes tonight
But it's me and the moon
And me and the moon have never been so blue
This song is a tribute to the girls in my life that mean so much to me... and I havn't even started to name them all in this journal... but if you in contact with me or have been this is for you ^_^.
Bryan White "Nothing Less Then Love"
She cries just a little when she sees him walk away
After all, she can't see it any other way
And it's hard when you're feelin' like there's nothin left to lose
No she can't help it, she sees no excuse
There's no good in her goodbye
There's no tears she hasn't cried
But it's not enough
She needs nothin' less than love
Don't say the sacrifice is small
And no one ever has it all
When all she wants
Is nothin' less than love
You can stand in the middle and see it either way
That's just how it is, no one ever wants the blame
So she'll pick up the pieces and pretend she just can't see
Cause all she's looking for is some room to breathe
There's no good in her goodbye
There's no tears she hasn't cried
But it's not enough
She needs nothin' less than love
Don't say the sacrifice is small
And no one ever has it all
When all she wants
Is nothin' less than love
She knows better than to wait
Just keep waiting until it's too late
There's no good in her goodbye
There's no tears she hasn't cried
But it's not enough
She needs nothin' less than love
Don't say the sacrifice is small
And no one ever has it all
When all she wants
Is nothin' less than love
There's no good in her goodbye
When all she wants
Is nothin less than love
Don't say the sacrifice is small
And no one ever has it all
When all she wants
Is nothin less than love
And for all you girls out there that will read this... tell your b/fs they better treat you 100% perfectly... or I have no problem kicking into their ass for you.... as for some of the guys that might read this... and only for those that are close to me... watch your backs... even though stuff between us is secret shit... don't forget... I have an honor code for everyone... and have no problem bitching out what you say about other people... cause I'm getting sick and tired of some of you and your treatment of some girls behind their backs... *growls* so remember to be on your best behavior with your girl friends... they will be by your side more then most will and be there for you when your down and there to share in your happinesses... so treat them like treasures... because that's what they are... treasures....
Jesse AKA "HeroO" |
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| Another Day in the life of ME! |
[May. 6th, 2004|02:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Reason" -Hoobastank | ] |
-Well today so far has been so-so like I had hoped. The last few days havn't been so so hot wither though. I'll go through a day by day to cover all those past crappy days.-
--Monday-
This day started off good enough, woke up to find I had survived into another week. 5 days till my birthday to... then I went to school was pretty uneventful... till I got out of school and found another(my second) parking ticket in one WEEK. That just turned my day into a shit hole... grr did I ever hate the city that day. Rest of the day went down with it after that.
--Tuesday-
Nothing that bad or good happened for me but a few things put a small faint smile on my face. Alex(the girl my crush is on heavyest) got back with that cheating boyfriend of hers. *sigh* I hope she's able to be happy with her choice, god knows and will be the only one to know about what I wish. that lasted me a hole 5 mintues of forced happiness for her. Then another thing happened was that Brenda(my old crush) came and found me and basiclly said sorry for the way she had been treating me like a piece of shit for the past few weeks, and well that made me feel better about myself abit. But recently in my dreams, day dreams and often my times of spacing out, thinking about how much happier I'd be if I could choose one the five or six girls I like and hold them, snuggle, cuddle, and being a bit romantiv with that one. *sighs*but I can't choose one of them because they have boy friends, and can't return my feelings towards them. That's when I get bummed and depressed, *laughs* Well look s at that... I got off topic. Well my day then went so-so.
--Wesneday-
I left at about 7:45am from my dad's to drop off my app for a job I want (hoping I'll get it) and then off to school were my day went so so again.... then I got to see Alex.... and she told me she was going over to see Glenn after school, Well with those words my heart sank into the endless pit that is my being, I thought something bad was going to happen and it did... and I wasn't able to be there... and I HATE myself for it...but anyway that over and done with so XP
--Thursday-
Well I had my interveiw and I got a job for this summer, which is pretty good for me ^^.... but still *sigh* boring... that is one word used in my life most of all.... *falls over and lays there* X_x; la la la so I guess I'm done for now... and BTW
if anyone... that is my friend has a need to call me and read this here's something to write down
Cell # 915-7209
Mom's house # 689-8966
Dad's house # 998-2652
Feel Free to CALL Me sometime
Lots of Love ya,
Jesse AKA "HeroO" |
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| Down in the dumps about life in general |
[May. 3rd, 2004|11:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | .hack//SIGN OST 1 "fake wings" | ] |
Yeah as the title say folks, I don't see why anyone would like to read my journal writings, maybe because they are harder to read than I think they are. *shrugs* anyway, I've pretty much been on my own all year, trying to find my place in that hell we call high-school, then I realized, it doesn't really matter, nor will it matter 5 or 10 years down the road. I'm just getting to the point where I hate my life so much I'd be better off sitting in my room for most of my days. I havn't found anyone that remotely cares enough about me to find me during a lunch time and say "hey Jesse, lets go someplace and talk." NOT A SINGLE DAMN ONE of the people that I consider my closest friends do that... they are all off on their own thing, and noone gives a damn about dependable old Jess, cause he'll always is there looking for the attention. And you people wonder why I have such a problem with my anger, maybe it's because I GET NO FUCKING ATTENTION FROM THOSE I LOVE AND CARE FOR MOST, even though about 5 or 6 years from now not a single one of them will even remember who I am, let alone I cared about their happiness.
Again I look at myself and find that I'm falling in love and caring for a girl I can't have, but I tell you if I had her I'd never want to let her go, and it pisses me off with what she has to go though, if I could take away her pain about that situation but it meant I still couldn't be with her, I'd do it in a heart beat, just to give her relief when I think she needs it most. And then there is the story of the girl I've had the crush on for a long time, but doesn't see me as someone she could be with without using and throwing away, well I've been waiting for years for her attention, for her to give a fuck about whether I live or die... and still even now... nothing, she goes and hangs out with a older guy and hardly even talks to me anymore, she and I see each other maybe once every two or three days and that is if I try to find her and hang out, other then that she and I NEVER hang out just to hang out.... *sighs* I don't know what or how her relationship is going with her boyfriend...(this being because she never talks to me) and I'm down hearted about it, I feel so worthless to my friends because they can't trust me enough to come to me with a problem, why... I have no clue, but for some reason I creep people around me out, I've actually done it with two people that I know of now. And both are girls that their boyfriends are my best friends.
I hate life in general, and to think I was on top of the world, in 5 days I turn 18, in 3 days it'll be my first week of being a Eagle Scout. I just don't know or understand what is going on with me, I sometimes just lay in my bed and wonder what life was like if I had this or that, things I think would make me one of the happiest in the world. But everytime I open my eyes my mind makes it a faint memory of what could be but will not be.... *sighs* I must be pathetic for trying to tell you all this. I'm here to let my feelings out, and my feelings are that I love a girl that I don't want to love me back just yet, because she needs time for her to work things out in her life, and I'd be willing to wait if she might come to me for comfort if the things she wants to happen don't for some reason... but I don't see that happening, I don't even know why I'm writing it here for all reasoning in me would want to just keep it to myself *sighs* but what can I do... I've told her how I feel and that I would be there for her if she wants me to be... but what else can I do right? tell her that want to she wants is not possible and that I should be given a chance... I can't and would never do that... one: Because I care for her so damn much I wouldn't want to... but on the other hand I don't want to lose a chance with a girl I think is the most WONDERFUL girl in the world.... but what can I do.. I'm always falling for the girls I can't have and maybe that's just my fate... to be the "friend" type of guy to girls.... *sighs* U_U I don't have much self-confidence in the first place.... so how will I in 5 years from now if I girl I've told I like won't give me a chance.... what is wrong with me..... *falls over and tries to die*
X_X;; *lays on his bed and thinks* but I've come to a conclusion today about my feelings for the one girl in this town I like best, I'd really like her to be with me, more then anything, but there are some things she has to deal with I know... but I just hope that if god sees fit, let her come to me.... plz... but I really only want her to be happy, and god forbid it if she's not happy and it's because she is with me.... because her being happy is more meaningful to me then her being with me, so I pray here on this dear diary that she is kept save and lead along the path that beings her pure joy for her life, because god and I both know she needs it.... *sighs*
Well... *wishing he'd cry so he could wipe a tear from his eye* I've given this one entree more then enough information for once, and not all of it was ranting.... *grins half-heartedly* *sighs* U_U anyway.... I guess this is done for the most part... and I guess if you did decide to read this entire entree, you know more about me then most of the closest people to me....
Goodbye for Now loved ones and friends,
Jesse AKA "HeroO" |
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[Apr. 30th, 2004|09:32 pm] |
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| | Not understood | ] |
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| | (^____________________^);; | ] |
Blah!..... hey JP here again to let all those that care in about my life...
Well today I met my online friend Blake... and dude is she cool... even though I think she is a lez.... but still I like her... one she's physically attractive and is just plain interesting... :xp:
any way 8 days till D-day folks... cross you fingers and hope god doesn't kill us all just because I turn 18 that would suck wouldn't.... anyway short update but still it's better then nothing right... |
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[Apr. 29th, 2004|06:17 pm] |
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| | awake | ] |
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| | None at the moment it's somewhere in my brain | ] |
*pokes* hey Everyone WAKE UP AND READ ME!! :domo: hehe ^______________________^;; well anyway... my life is going good for the most part.... 9 days till my birthday... and I have a lot of things to wish for... like my sister Hilary... (gaian sister the one in those two piccys in my last post) yeah I wish she really was my sister and not so damn far from me... and another thing... I feel like I'm getting closer to a girl I like... but I already know she's not free for me to take.. but still I'd rather her wanting to depend on me more then anything else... as guess what... I kinda have this date thing going on tomorrow I'm off to meet my friend Blake... and she wants to meet me downtown tomorrow to hang out for the afternoon which should be great fun
but again NINE DAYS TILL I'M 18 YEARS OLD WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111one!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway... lets see... oh week since now I've been an Eagle scout... and on last monday my dad gave me my lil sasuki sidekick and I LOVE the lil thing... hehe... but I missed out on helping a friend yesterday cause I was in Junction city when she needed me... *pift* I hate life sometimes... *sighs* anyway I'm outy... WOOT!! |
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| WooT the days! (~_~); |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|05:38 pm] |
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| | dirty | ] |
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| | *stares at computer* stupid thing!! | ] |
Oh well here I am...
....again....
I don't know why I'm here other then to bitch about my wonderful day even though it was... (was *laughs* XD ) a wonderful...
today I feel like killing my computer... for one thing it's so slow I can't play music and other things that I want to too... and I'm sitting here and can't think of a damn song to listen to... but it'd probly be some country or puck rock song any way.....
Well today was wonderful... why was it so wonderful because I got to walk home with my new friend Faith... and dude is she a cutie... *sighs* and I bet she's got a boyfriend.... one because it's just so happens that every girl I tend to like ends up having a stupid ass boy friend.. that doesn't appreiate them as much as I think they should... but oh well she and I talked about god of all things... something I find interesting but not a big thing of my life... (no real religous prefence) but it was fun talking to her for so long even though she was walking away from her car.. and walking outside on a nice day with me... ME of all people... which is SO cool... but oh well... I think I did though screw up a lil.. *sweat* I kinda put my arm around her as we were leaving class.. and I think that was a no no... but oh well... *sighs* maybe in a few weeks I might ask her to hang out with me on a weekend day or something... but who knows... *whispers* she is the first girls to acually talk to me that havn't seen me out of school first
Well anyway that was a nice point of my day... or maybe a high point... a low point is that I didn't get to see my friend Alex.... yeah it's sad for her really... she found out that her boy friend might have cheated on her... and she so really wants to believe him... and I feel sorry for her... because if what she wrote in her journal was 100% right... then he did... and he's not admiting it because he just know thinks it was wrong... and I so want to beat him senseless...I mean like GRR :vein: *growls*.......
You see I have a crush on Lil Miss Alex... and I like her ALOT... and I hate to see her when she is unhappy... :twiches: yeah well I had a good idea for my truck last night but it might make her sad so I decided against it....
other then those things my day was ok it's rather warm outside so you know... oh and I FOUND MY LAST EQOA game card... and I think I'll try and use it sometime soon and see what all I can do in it... ^^ but you never know...
well I guess I'm done for tonight so I'll leave you with a picture I had made of my avitar on www.go-gaia.com
 
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| Day after campping |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|05:51 am] |
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| | none for tonight... *glares at slow computer* | ] |
Yes... that title is spelled with two ps.... XP so what like I care right...
Well I'm an Eagle Scout now... highest rank in boy scouts... which means I'll be getting a new car soon.... which is nice.... 4 person 4 cly.
well 13 days till my 18th BIRTHDAY.... WOOT!! that makes it almost 2 weeks away.... and wow... I just might prove god wrong for once... *laughs* well anyway... I don't know what else to say... other then I HATE CAMPING... I forgot food was cold and slept in my truck instead of a tent... *sighs* well I missed alot of my friends... and yet I see... *looks at his msg machine* none of them cared enough to call me... *sighs* why do I think of them as my friends if they one: Know my phone numbers, and two: don't ever use them... :xp: anyway now I'm out...
Your bored friend Hero
AKA "Jesse" |
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| Woot for a Day ~-~! |
[Apr. 22nd, 2004|03:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
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| | Three Days Grace-"[I hate] Everything about you" | ] |
Well here I am again.. I don't know what I'm doing here...
*looks around*
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ok well since I am here I might as well tell you all about what is up in my life... I'm single and looking... no doubt... and I've found two girls that really interest me that the moment.. a girl that lives in my city and one that lives a few hours drive away from me... but I don't know what might happen about them... the one that lives in my city... will only consider dating someone if they have read "Ender's Game" but so far... even though I havn't met her yet... I think she is cute...
As for the girl that lives out of the city... she thinks I'm a hotty... I don't know how this could be... but it is... *sighs* but I like her too.. but she's 15, while the girl here in my city will be 17 soon... and I'll be 18 in 16 days... so.. I'm looking at more of the closer age for now I guess
any way... Tonight... Thursday 22 of April I will be going to go to my Board of Reveiw for my Eagle Boyscout Rank.... *crosses fingers* >.< here hoping I pass...
oh and Tomorrow marks week two of me having my drivers licence... and my truck... Red 1975 chevy 4504... and darn it if it doesn't suck gas into it... but after tonight I should be getting a lil 4v car to get good mileage from the car.. and a passager car too so I can drive my friends around after my 18th birthday |
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heroonatomay's journal